Day 47 IVF Cycle 2...Roller Coaster

Today marks day 47 of our second IVF cycle and day 20 of our 3 embyro's implantation.

What an emotional and physical roller coaster this has been for both of us! When Karen called us a week ago and told us that our chances of our little Baby Baker surviving were slim but not impossible I mentally began to try to prepare myself for that possibility. I wasn't giving up of course, but was trying to have some semblance of self preservation.

She asked us to continue the progesterone injections twice a day in my hip (one first thing in the morning, one in the evening), which I REALLY didn't want to do but we wanted to continue to do everything within our power to help our little Baby Baker.

Chris and I cried and prayed for strength to continue as we did everything our doctors had told us to do. Chris would sing to my belly every night and "tuck them in" as I begged and pleaded with them to stay.

I had started to experience mild cramping accompanied with brown and light red blood for a few days. Nothing too heavy but I called our doctor just to make sure we were still ok. Dr. Steinkamph was very sweet but said "No, bleeding is never normal although it is common. Many women experience it during pregnancy and go on to have healthy babies."

He then asked me to call him morning or night if it progressed into a full flow. Yesterday we woke up and headed into the clinic for another blood test. Francis, one of our favorite nurses, gave me a big hug,  kiss on my cheek and told us she was praying for us.

Chris and I have felt so loved and supported throughout this entire experience and it makes my heart hurt for all of those couples who are going through this alone. I understand the hesitation in going public with your fertility struggles but the prayers, love and out pouring of support even from people you have never met is astounding!

When we got "the call" yesterday at 1:48 from Karen I grabbed Chris's hand, took a deep breathe and hunched my shoulders forward in preparation for the final blow. It didn't come.

I could tell immediately from Karen's tone that this wasn't bad news. She told me that our HCG blood levels "had come up quite nicely", and for us to come into the clinic to pick up our new progesterone creams that I was to take twice daily. Not only was she telling me we still had our little Baby Baker, she was telling me NO MORE INJECTIONS!!

Our first beta HCG was 15, our second was 19.9.....yesterday our HCG was 363!!!! Power of prayer, power of love! We set the appointment for our first ultrasound for next Thursday at 10:00 AM. They will be looking for the little black sac that will be our Baby Baker, of Bakers :)

They want to make sure there is no possibility of an ectopic pregnancy (very rare occurrence when the embryo is in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus and can be quite serious), and begin monitoring the embryo or embryo's.

The other common question we keep getting from friends and family other than "when will you know how many babies?", is "when will you be able to relax and really celebrate?"

That's a good question and one that the answer shifts moment to moment to be quite honest. When you've been waiting for something for over 4 years, and I suppose my whole life really to come true, when it finally does I can't help the fear that comes with the thought of losing it.

Two things have presented themselves to me today. One being a song from one of my favorite albums at the moment. Florence and the Machine's latest album "Ceremonials" is wonderfully uplifting and enchanting and I've been obsessed with it for months.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtnxsIBVm5s

"Shake it off"

We ghouls collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see now way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

Every demon wants his pound of flesh

But i like to keep somethings to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind

And I could never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see now way

I'm always dragging that horse around

Our love is pushing such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

Cause i like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it off, shake it off, shake it off

It's hard to dance with the devil on your back

So shake him off

I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then re-start

I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it off, shake it off, shake it off 

It's hard to dance with the devil on your back so shake it off

Given half the chance he will take it all

It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone

It's always darkest before the dawn

The entire song is amazing and I highly recommend the album if you haven't heard it in it's entirety yet.

 The second came to me in a wonderful person I call Ms. Sharon. Ms. Sharon is a catering client of ours and is also a pastor here in Birmingham. 

She grabbed my hands today when I was delivering her clients order and literally shook them till I stared up at her face. She started praying for us and  for Baker Baby and said "you will be at peace and joy and will not let the devil steal it any longer. Fear is the thief of joy...do not let him take what is rightfully yours."

I almost started crying right there because it's exactly what I needed to hear. We will not be fearful of the future, we will be joyful in this moment.   

Thank you everyone for your prayers and positivity and for making me literally Shake it Off.