Monday, May 6, 2013


Hope....Friend or Foe? ~May 6th, 2013


Hope when you are in the beginning stages of infertility and trying to have a child is incredibly powerful and uplifting, but the longer your struggle continues, it quickly morphs into something else.

"Hope deferred makes a heart sick"~Proverbs 13:12 

It becomes a danger, something sinister lurking in the back of your heart that you feel you must throw a wall up against. Everyone around you tells you to be hopeful, to stay positive, and you try with all your might to do just that. But what happens if your hopes are dashed or deferred? 

I'm struggling a bit with this post because right now it sounds so negative, but I can assure you it is anything but. In fact, I've never felt more hopeful.

What happens when you allow your self to lose hope? Despair right? Despair and depression. I recently read a passage from a book a good friend of mine sent me "Infertility: Finding God's Peace in the Journey" regarding despair:

"Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress
My sight is blurred because of my tears.
My body and soul are withering away.
I am dying from grief;
my years are shortened by sadness.
Misery has drained away my strength;
I am wasting from within.
I am scorned by all my enemies 
and even despised by my neighbors-
even my friends are afraid to come near me.
When they see me on the street, 
they turn the other way.
I have been ignored as if I were dead,
as if I were a broken pot"-
 Psalm 31:9-12

Amazingly powerful right? You can actually see this person destroyed by despair and void of any hope whatsoever in this passage. Have you been this person too? 

I have to say that I find such a strange sense of hope when reading this because I know that I have been there and managed to not let "Misery drain away my strength..."

Chris and I began a support group for the other Waiting Couples for adoption last week. Our first meeting was this past Monday evening and we had the honor of sitting and talking with another couple for over three hours. They've been waiting for over a year and a half and guess what, they are still SO hopeful. So hopeful in fact that they finally broke down and purchased a stroller a few weeks ago.

I know that seems minor and practical to those who haven't experienced infertility or adoption but let me assure you...it's a BIG deal. It goes back to the concept of guarding your heart I suppose. Chris and I have a little place in our guest bedroom closet with a box tucked away of "Baby Baker" things. A baby blanket given to us when we announced our pregnancy, some precious little blocks with animals on them from my sister, a book about some adorable bears adopting from one of my closest friends and more. 

Even though we've only had one meeting so far for our support group, I have never been so hopeful that it will continue to grow and that we will all glean something from one another. 

"...I am scorned by all my enemies and even despised by my neighbors-"

Chris and I are having a fundraising yard sale this weekend for our Baby Baker adoption fund. I put up a pink flyer last week asking our neighborhood for their support. Donations of household items or dropping by the day of the sale to help out. The cynical part of myself that does tend to creep in whispered "hey, nothing may come out of this but post and wait and see". 


Donated items Chris and I received from neighbors we had never even met.

We came home Saturday to a porch full of donated items from neighbors we had never even met. Just as I was pulling everything into the guest bedroom and wiping away the happy tears our doorbell rang. It was another neighbor who had read our blog and desperately wanted to help. She proceeded to unload her car and come back 3 different times that night with things for our yard sale. 

I have never met this wonderful woman before, but she had seen me running in the rain one day and said "that's dedication" and began walking herself. She passed the area where I posted the flyer the other day and went home and pulled up our blog. She read the entire thing and immediately called up our other neighbors who have adopted themselves and told them our story. To say we were touched is an understatement. 

" My years are shortened by sadness.....I have been ignored as if I were dead, as if I were a broken pot."

Our years have NOT been shortened by sadness although I can see how that could quickly happen if you were allow it to. I still have "blue days" every now and again, as my sweet husband calls it, but overwhelmingly they are not sad at all. We are not ignored, and those broken parts of ourselves are mending. 


Chris with our newest nephew Hudson this weekend

I actually must run now, getting ready to go pick up more donated items from friends!! Will keep you all updated on how the fundraiser goes. Please pray for good weather and thank you so much for your continued support. 

Love,

Amanda & Chris