Sunday, November 11, 2012

The gift of time?

November 11th, 2012

I'm not even going to address the fact that it's been months since I've blogged, but wait, I guess I just did didn't I? Thank you for your prayers and sweet "how are things going?" check in's. We greatly appreciate it!

I wasn't really sure what to say on here because we were kind of in adoption process limbo for months. I have a few drafts of posts I made back in September and October that I never posted because well, I was kind of down and pretty sure no one would want to read all of that.

Looking back over it I should have posted it because this blog really is a wonderful therapeutic release for me and I clearly needed an outlet. From here on out, I promise not to censor myself in fear of offending someone. It's a blog about infertility, adoption, but most of all hope, and that shouldn't offend anyone.

Our Home Study with our social worker was officially completed the first week of November. I requested a hard copy and received it just a few days ago.



When we first started this process back in July we were told the home study could take about 3 months which turned out to be accurate. All of the paper work, meetings, doctor appointments etc take that long to compile and then to approve. So what does that mean it's officially completed?

That means the "waiting clock" has officially started. I know. I was confused at first and thought it started when we began all of this back at the end of July but NOW it has begun. We were told it could be anywhere from a year, year in a half to two years.

My first instinct when hearing this was to be depressed. 2 Years? 2 more years of waiting for us? More holidays without our Baby Baker, more watching friend after friend continue to grow their families and us still without? Sounds horribly selfish right?

So, waiting it is. I can do that because I've gained some recent perspective.

I have been blessed with an amazing friend throughout this process who herself has been a patient in those same waiting rooms. She shall remain anonymous at this time because her story is not mine to tell.

 This past January during my first IVF cycle I looked across that waiting room and caught eyes with a vaguely familiar face that smiled in return. Old friends reconnecting over heart break and hope for something better.

She's been a comfort and resource during all of this because she has also successfully adopted two beautiful, healthy children.  Let me just say that I LOVE this girl. I have never known someone with such positive, clear perspective. She just gets it. She's patient, and kind, not only listening to my craziness but lets you into the darkest corners of her heart and shares her experiences. She's vulnerable and strong all at the same time.

When I expressed to her my worry and over all concern about the "what if's" and the possible wait time to be chosen her response was,

 "Amanda, your baby will come to you when it's your baby. Otherwise, it's not meant to be yours. Your child is out there...we just have to continue to be patient. Try to think of the time you're waiting as a gift. You're being given the gift of time to fundraise and prepare for your child. Don't wish that away."

See? Amazing perspective. I can't even begin to tell you everything this darling woman has been through to have children, but the fact that she can still think this way after everything blows me away.

Frankly, patience is NOT my virtue and it's something I struggle with daily. Sitting in traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, I have to consistently mentally remind myself to chill out and wait. To say that waiting for our Baby Baker will be a struggle is an understatement. 

But the silver lining to all of this waiting is what a reward! What an amazing outcome at the end of everything. I don't for one moment regret or second guess anything Chris and I have gone through on our journey to Baby Baker. Everything was done in love and most importantly hope. Hope for the child we have yet to meet and hold in our arms because we know they are out there. 

So what's next? 

Chris and I will begin applying for adoption grants. Yes, these do exist! If anyone reading this is adopting please be sure to investigate grant options because it could mean money just sitting there waiting for you to apply for. 

Lots of great fundraising ideas for adoption and lists of current grants

The available grants vary but they are worth applying for. You may get 1, you may get 5, you may get zero but you will never know if you don't try. It's a lot of paper work but hey, we're used to that by now :) The guidelines, restrictions and amounts available are also specific to each grant so be sure to look over all they require carefully. Most of them do require a completed Home Study and that is why we are just now beginning this process. 

We are also thinking of doing some fundraising things to help bring our Baby Baker home so if you have any ideas or would like to help please let us know!

 I've been asked how expensive the adoption process is and here is the basic breakdown: 

Application fee                                            $400 non-refundable

Home Study with report                               $1600

Home Study Updates with report                  $1,000

Post Placement Visit with report                    $500 per visit (average of 3 visits)

Travel time per hour                                       $25

Mileage center per mile                                   .50

Copies and Mailing estimated at                     $100

Attorney Fee to finalize adoption in local probate court             $1500

The other charges that are not itemized basically come to a total of = $20,000 to $22,000 to adopt domestically

I also want to address the funny questions by some if "we are afraid we are going to get ripped off", "are you sure this agency is legit", and "are you actually paying the birth parent for their baby?"

All understandable questions that I honestly did giggle over and to answer those concerns:

 1) no we are not afraid we are going to get ripped off 2) this agency is legit and not in a back ally 3) No, the money goes to the agency, legal fees, social worker fees, and some towards the birth mothers' hospital stay. 

I also want to say thank you to those of you who still find their way to our little blog. Google searches, accidental, curiosity or concern.  Those people all over the world, and I mean that literally, who may be experiencing these same things. Thank you for taking the time to read and care. I believe in happy endings and am praying for you and your hopeful story as well.

Much love,

Amanda & Chris