Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Baby Race

July 18th~ The Baby Race

I would assume most of you are familiar with the HBO series from a few or so years ago, Sex and the City, but just in case not here's why it's been on my mind lately. One of the central characters in particular. Can you guess which one?

 No not Carrie although my crazy wild hair gets compared to hers quite a bit but Charlotte, her straight edged prim demure friend who very vividly went through the pains of infertility throughout the series.

I know it seems like the obvious choice but here's why it has been coming to me lately. I've taken up jogging, or walking/running these last 3 weeks. For those of you who don't know me, for me to actively decide to do anything physical much less jogging it would normally require a man with a hatchet chasing after me or someone trying to give me an injection (just ask Chris, he got quite good at cornering me when he had to).

So I've been jogging around my neighborhood and man did it suck to start with. It's hot, nasty and humid down here in the south pretty consistently but something in me made me go into my closet, dust off my basically brand new running shoes and go for it.
Sia's "Breathe Me" remix. What I've been running to lately.

Ok so why the Charlotte from Sex and the City connection? Well, towards the end of the show she began trying IVF and could not get pregnant after several failed attempts. She started running to take her mind off of things, give her stress and sadness a place to go. 

There is one scene in particular that I can't keep replaying in my head when she jogs past a woman pushing her baby in a running stroller and the hurt, pain, jealousy, and frustration plays across her face so perfectly as she races past her and keeps on running. 

So is this how I've felt lately? To be completely honest, some days yes. Some days it's hard to breathe and on those days I find that I push myself even further than the last. One more hill (Birmingham is surprisingly hilly), one more back road...you can do it. DIG! Yes it's disgustingly hot and this is pure torture but do it!
The voice in my head can be a very shouty, loud four letter word sometimes so she's tough to tune out.

 I had someone ask me a few weeks ago why we "gave up" trying to have a child via fertility treatments.

I do want to preface by saying that this individual does not know my husband nor I very well and that I truly think they were trying to ask out of genuine interest and concern. But did the way they worded that question basically feel like a slap in the face? You bet.

After the conversation with this person I realized that perhaps I didn't explain my reasons to not try IVF again at this time very well.

IVF and fertility treatments are a great thing! I have the two most precious niece and nephew because of it but it just wasn't the right time to consider going through them again. At least not now.

Mackenzie and Cooper. My beloved sister's children through her first IVF attempt.


Cooper with his Unc "Kiss"


 The truth is if Chris and I had been lucky enough to have had any of our embryo's survive to the stage that they could have been frozen for another attempt we would have definitely tried it. It's half the cost typically and you don't have to go through all of the injections in the beginning of the process.

But unfortunately none of our embryo's made it to that stage and that decision was made for us. It just didn't make sense to continue doing something that we didn't have the budget for AND that quite frankly isn't the greatest thing to do to your body time and time again.

However Chris and I will never "give up" on trying for a biological child of our own. How could we? There is always a chance, a possibility of it happening for us and I will never let go of that sliver of hope.

I've realized through almost 5 years of this and probably the majority of my life that you can't plan for everything. Sure it might make you feel better about things but your plan isn't really HIS plan. It was always my way of coping through things to have a plan. I knew that "Ok, this might not have worked but I still have plan B or C or even D".

I'm here to tell you that most of what I "thought" or planned for in my life has gone the complete opposite way...And thank the Lord that it did because apart from the heartbreak of trying to have a family my life is pretty amazing.

So, to end this long winded post as I sit here in work out gear dreading peeling it off and doing it all over again tomorrow a couple of things come to mind:

1) It worked out for the character Charlotte in the end and it will work out for you to. Silly I know. It might not look like how you had always envisioned it, but it will be right.

2) The comparisons to what you don't have right now that you want will drive you crazy. Better to plug in that Ipod, get the music blaring and try your best to drown out those pesky comparisons.

3) Take a deep breathe. Dig with everything you have and push up that hill. The view is pretty spectacular and you will feel better once you've climbed it :)

Much Love,

Amanda & Chris

Monday, July 9, 2012

California Dreaming

July 9th, 2012~ California Dreaming

Yes. I have been horrible about updating this recently and feel pretty guilty about it. Chris and I have had a busy, wonderful summer so far. This time last year we were in the middle of our first injectable drug IUI series and consumed with everything that entails. Never fun to go through that but really un-fun around holidays when you can't really enjoy them like you normally would.

So this past 4th of July we got to spend it with good friends and kicking back. I know many of you are wondering what is going on with our quest for Baby Baker and I promise to keep you up to date on that front :) You may be reading this and thinking....eh, I don't really want to know about your vacation this summer, I'm curious about your adoption process or fertility issues. To that I say thank you so much for your care and concern, believe me, it is always at the forefront of our thoughts. And a big thank you to those who have reached out to Chris and I during this process. We continue to be amazed.

Also, if you have questions regarding our fertility journey or anything specific please do not hesitate to message me. I have already received some wonderful messages from some of you from all over the country and would love to help in any way I can.

In our last post I briefly talked about our trip to San Diego to visit my adored sister, her precious twins, and her husband. We were incredibly blessed that Nicole was given two Southwest airline tickets for free and made a beeline for the coastline.

Me on Coronado Beach



Sweet welcome sign the Twins made for us


View of downtown San Diego from Coronado

We LOVE California...but we LOVE seeing my family even more. My sister and I truly are best friends and her twins, well, they mean the absolute world to me. We typically get to see them once, maybe twice a year which is hard on everyone. Thank the Lord for skype and free tickets from Southwest! We were also excited about seeing her husband Mitch whom we had missed the last few times visiting due to his military deployment. 

With no real agenda other than to just spend time with my sis and her family Chris and I wandered around the island, took a trolley tour (so much fun), ate, played with the kids, and even had some adventures bike riding. 

Gorgeous bushes all long the beach. Why can't these grow in Bama?

Coronado Brewing company. Really fantastic beer.

Old Town Trolley stop. Highly recommend if you are even in the San Diego area.

We rode the trolley which takes you all over the San Diego area allowing you to stop, wander around, and board at your leisure. We also learned all sorts of interesting factoids from our trolley guides including where certain famous scenes of Top Gun were shot (and of course, the corresponding music to those scenes was played over their loud speakers)...not embarrassing at all. 

U.S. Navy Seals returning to their training camp on Coronado

The Famous Navy Seal Bar "McP's". All of those hanging mugs belong to specific customers with names. 

Old Town San Diego

Woman hand making tortilla's in Old Town San Diego. They were incredible!

California style burrito with french fries stuffed inside, shrimp tacos, beans and rice. Hey don't judge me, I was on vacation. 

Chris picking out some flowers at the farmers market for Nicole that are Cooper and Mackenzie's favorite colors. Cooper loves yellow, Mackenzie purple. 


This trip was a bit bittersweet since my sister and the twins are being re-assigned by the navy to Okinawa Japan this month...at the end of this week actually. My head and heart still haven't wrapped around this completely but I am excited for them to experience things most people would never have the opportunity to, at least that's what I keep telling myself. 

Nicole and Cooper enjoying dinner al fresco

Mackenzie and Chris enjoying the fresh vegetables from the farmers market

I obviously took a ton of pictures while visiting and would love to share them as well as some hilarious videos of us playing with the kids. Will have another post with all of that goodness. Every morning the twins would run across the hallway, knock on our door, then pile into the bed with "Aunt Panda and Unc Kiss". I loved every moment of this trip and wish we didn't live so far away but the silver lining is that it makes it that more special when we are with them. 

Baby Baker news~ We are meeting with our second adoption agency tomorrow afternoon to make sure that all of our options are being considered. We have not decided whether to adopt internationally or domestically at this time. There is a TON that goes into either one of these decisions and we want to make sure we have all of the information and have thought and prayed appropriately. 

Our goal is to have a decision by the end of this month and to officially begin the process (application turned in, first fee payed, and home studies began). 

Thank you again for your love and support! We will update again soon.

Much Love,

Amanda & Chris