Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I will Wait

August 22, 2012~I will Wait

Chris and I have been busy getting back into the swing of things with work and allowing our summer to come to a close. It really was a perfect blend of relaxation and exhilaration. My favorite season is peeking around the corner and I swear I can taste it in the air. Fall is coming.

Yes it's still almost 90 degrees here and humid, the cicadas still sing in chorus, but I can feel the shift approaching. We officially have ALL of our adoption paperwork turned into the agency. It took awhile, especially the personal autobiographies, but it was worth all of the effort.

This agency has asked that we write a letter to the prospective Birth parents or Birth mother. We had some guidance but it was still very difficult. The prospective birth mother or birth parents will have many letters to read and chose from and that is ultimately how they will pick the adoptive parents. No large expansive files, no photo books or videos, just a simple letter.  Here is an excerpt of our letter:


Dear Birth mother,

I can’t imagine all of the different emotions you must be feeling right now or how difficult this decision must be for you. The fear, the anxiety over making the right choice, all of the questions and concerns swirling around in your head must be overwhelming. We want to assure you that no matter what you decide, it will be the right choice for you and we want to thank you for being strong enough to make it.

We thank you for your personal sacrifice and for helping making our dreams of a family a reality. Our heart break over our struggles to have a child will not be in vain and we will know without a shadow of a doubt that this was the path we were always meant to be on….because it brought us the child we were always meant to have.

Thank you and much love~

Amanda and Chris

We were also asked to list reasons why we were pursing adoption or "bulleted points" that would give the birth mother or birth parents a glimpse into the type of people we are. Here are a few of our points:

·      I can’t wait to make forts with you out of blankets and stacked books
·      I want to bake Christmas cookies with you and decorate gingerbread men with tons of colored icing.
·      Have you in the kitchen with Susu as she makes her famous Thanksgiving Turkey and watch the Macy’s Day parade together as we sip hot chocolate.
·      Chris can’t wait to be Santa and eat the cookies you left for him on the fire place.
·      I promise to sing you to sleep every night  “You are my Sunshine”
We can’t wait to put you in the cutest pj’s and wake up on a Saturday morning to pancakes and music
·      Going to our neighborhood park and sliding down slides together. Pushing you on a swing
·      Wandering down the toy aisle and letting you pick out your favorite
·      Reading stories to you every night before we tuck you in
·      Taking walks with you around our neighborhood in your stroller
·      Letting you pick out your favorite cookie at the bakery counter in the grocery store
·      Using our imaginations to become astronauts, pirates, princesses or our favorite animals.
·      I can’t wait to cheer you on whether it’s a sporting event, a concert, an art show, a gold star you received on your schoolwork, or just being the amazing person that I already know you will be. 
·      Hearing your laugh for the first time and knowing that it will be the most beautiful sound I will ever hear.
·      Teaching you how to tie your shoes.
·      Let’s catch fire flies and get ice cream from our neighborhood ice cream truck (he drives down our street every single day at 3:30 in the afternoon)
·      I promise to always be patient with you. To be your biggest supporter and fan, to always encourage you to be you no matter what. 
·      To kiss your “Boo-boo’s” away
·      Teaching you to say “please” and “thank you” and to always apologize when you are sorry.
·      To watch my husband Chris sing and dance with you barefoot in our kitchen to his favorite songs.
·      Tucking you in, turning on your night light, and making sure there aren’t any monsters in your closet.
·      Filling Easter eggs with all sorts of goodies and watching you find them
·      Picking out a family pet together
·      I can’t wait to introduce you to your cousins and I just know you all will be the best of friends.
·      Teaching you how to ride a bike. Putting your little helmet on your head and buying the coolest streamers for your bike handles.
·      Teaching you how to write your name in the air with a sparkler on the 4th of July.
·      Letting your grandparents “Susu”, “Papa”, “Grammy” and “Pop” all spoil you.
·      Explaining to you that you can’t always get your way and that there are consequences to our actions.
·      Giving you a “bubble beard” in the bath tub
·      Starting a hope chest for our child and teaching them all about their birth parents. 

I realize reading some of these may seem simple and obvious, but we've never had those opportunities. Never had a chance to do those things with our child as a family. Those little everyday things that people take for granted, we've never had the chance to. 

We are setting the date for our first at home visit from our social worker Rebecca for the second part of September. She's been lovely to work with thus far and incredibly supportive. We are also registered for our first "Parenting" classes and CPR training next week at St. Vincent's hospital and look forwarding to completing all of our requirements. 

I took the title to this post from one of my favorite songs, "I will Wait" by the band Mumford and Son's. I've referenced them before in posts and I am obsessed with their music. It's so uplifting and honestly heartbreaking at times but this new song, to be released on their new album out in September, is so very amazing. I can't express how much I love this song. 

"I will Wait" Lyrics

I came home, like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
Days of dust, which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll Kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you

So break my step, and relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way, shake the excess

And I will wait I'll wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you

Now I'll be bold, as well as strong
Use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh and fix my eyes
A tethered mind free from the lies

And I'll Kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And Bow my head
Keep my heart slow

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you


Yes little Baby Baker, I will wait for you.

Much love,

Amanda & Chris




Monday, August 6, 2012

August 5, 2012~Peace that comes with a Decision~

This post took me a bit longer to write for various reasons but the main one being we had not made a decision yet as to which adoption agency we were going with. Well...........our decision was made last week and our paper work has officially been submitted!!!

Chris and I, after many LONG talks, meetings with agency members, and prayers have finally decided to go with domestic adoption at a local agency here in Birmingham. The group is Family Adoption Services in Homewood Alabama and we could not be at more peace about this decision.

Months ago when I began really looking into the adoption process I had always visualized doing International and going to China. As fate would have it, my "plans" again don't always go the way I think they should. In the previous post I talked about how my plans were not HIS plans and I think this was just another example of this.

Sign outside of our Adoption Agency office

When investigating the International Adoption option via China we ran into some very specific road blocks. I won't get into all of them here since they are quite personal (you are probably thinking well goodness she's shared just about everything else right? why not this?) but just know that it's not as black and white as you might think.  

It was very difficult to see that door close to us but Chris and I both know it happened in order to place us on the correct path to receive our Baby Baker. We met with several agencies and talked with friends who had gone through the adoption process themselves. It finally came down to where did we feel the most comfortable. 

I would like to say that each group we met with was lovely, empathetic, and professional but one stood out from the rest.

During our first meeting with Family Adoption Services the entire office came into the meeting to sit with us and discuss the possibility of us joining their prospective parents group. I honestly felt like this group cared and had our best interest at heart. 

Family Adoption Services. Precious little house in Homewood. 


I started to tear up and cry during the meeting when they asked me if I had any concerns and my main one selfishly being that I didn't want to wait years and years for our child. We have already waited almost 6 years, lost one along the way, and my husband and I desperately want to be parents. But all of that is obvious right?

The owner of the agency and her husband themselves could not have children. In fact, her doctor all those years ago told her "Go home and plant a garden...". I swear, sometimes people really do say the strangest things to people dealing with infertility. You would be amazed at what's been said to us. 

Susan (the owner) got up and handed me a tissue, grabbed my hand and told me "I am so sorry for your loss, your heart ache, and the pain you both have endured. I understand and am here to help. Your child will make it to your arms in His perfect time and I promise you it will not be years and years."

Chris and I left feeling very confident with this group but we still took the time to make sure we were making the right decision. I called them two weeks later and told them the news that we would be filling out the paper work and joining their prospective parents group. The sweet girl at the front desk actually squealed with happiness for us. 

So.....what next? Well, lots and lots of details. Lots of paper work, lots of meetings and the start of our Home Study with our social worker. What's a Home study? A Home Study is where the agency assigns you a social worker who interviews you on several different occasions at your home and requires you to meet certain expectations. Or for lack of better ways of putting it....delves into every aspect of your life possible. 


FBI background checks, finger printing (that was not fun by the way), blood work, doctor's appointments, HIV tests (yeah, you read that correctly), parenting classes, CPR certification, tax returns etc. 

Scary but exciting stuff. The Home Study typically takes about three months to complete and once that is complete the wait time for your child begins. Average wait time with this agency is a year to a year and a half but it all depends on how many mothers they have at that time and other various factors. Could be sooner....could be later. Hoping for the prior :)

I am also happy to tell you that I have still been running. On average about 4 times a week depending on my work schedule and the weather. Yes, it's still unbearably hot and humid here and I probably look like Phoebe from the episode of Friends when she jogs with Rachel and looks like a crazy person. Oh well. 

More to come soon....and I do mean soon :) 

Much Love,

Amanda & Chris