"It's A Calling"~
It's been just a little over nine months that Chris and I have been on the "official wait list" at our adoption agency. Seems longer to me but then again my perspective of waiting for Baby Baker is of course skewed. I'm sitting here rubbing my eyes trying to come up with something insightful or witty to say but I don't have it.
What I do have is a big, glaring sign in my face.
This summer has been filled with some brief, and much needed vacation time with friends and family, lot's of work, and some really wonderful time with my husband. It's great to have him "home for the summer" since he teaches school, and I love to watch him busy himself with little projects around the house.
The latest project has been to slowly start putting together what will be the nursery. I honestly don't know why we both all of sudden felt comfortable with this, but we have. It's little things so far. Re-painting a piece of furniture that will be Baby Baker's changing table, deciding on colors for the curtains, hanging a frame with a print we bought for Baby Baker almost a year ago in it's rightful place.
It feels good.
So what's this big glaring sign I was referring to earlier? Apart from the constant reminder that my plans are not always HIS (it seems this is one I struggle with a lot and always need to be reminded of, some reminders less painful than others....), it's that our path to Baby Baker wasn't an accident or an unfortunate experience, it's a calling.
I've heard people refer to "A Calling" when dealing with religious decisions mainly and sometimes professional ones, but I've realized throughout all of this that it's all happening for a reason.
"In God's schedule of events of your life, infertility is not some in-between phase you just have to get through before you can get on with your "real life". It's a calling. If you have not been able to conceive, then at this point in your life, God has called you to be infertile. I'm not saying the calling is permanent. Neither am I saying that you are required to enjoy it. But I am saying that God knows what He's doing, and if He isn't allowing you to become pregnant right now, it is because He has some other purpose to fulfill". - Lois Flowers- Infertility:Finding God's Peace in the Journey
So do I really believe this or am I just trying to make myself feel better?
I really believe this. And not only that, I find comfort in it. I don't know why when we got pregnant that we lost him or her to a freak 1% chance of ectopic pregnancy and the loss of my right tube, but I can assure you He does. I don't know why we've been waiting over 9 months for Baby Baker but He does.
It sounds strange but I can't wait to look back on my life years from now and go, "Ah Ha! So that's why we went through all of that." Do I wish that "Ah Ha" moment was sooner rather than later, sure, but then again, my plans are rarely His plans :)
Updates: We were able to raise over $800 from our Baby Baker Yard sale back in May. I was blown away with all the thoughtful donations from friends, family, and even strangers. Our whole neighborhood came out to support, and Chris and I continue to feel so blessed.
Our wonderful adoption agency has placed four precious babies since May, and are working tirelessly to create more "Forever Families". That sweet Waiting Couple Chris and I met with back in May for our support group was one of those very lucky couples who got that call. They are now a "Forever Family" with a beautiful little girl and we couldn't be happier for them.
We continue to move up the waiting list with each baby placed, and want to thank everyone for your constant prayers and support. Off to go for a run.
Amanda & Chris