It's a new dawn, it's a new day......and I'm feelin good

June 18th, 2012~

It's been way too long since my last post. It was inadvertent I promise. A small break I suppose from things. Thank you so much to those of you who have continued to "check in on us" and ask how things are going. We really appreciate the love and support. Honestly....keep it coming :)

Let's see, to start things off the song that I have not been able to get out of my head for various reasons is Nina Simone's hauntingly fabulous "Feeling Good". If you aren't familiar with her and you love soulful boozy jazz, this is your woman. (video below)

Chris and I are doing well. We had our final post op appointment with Dr. Steinkamph at our fertility clinic May 30th. My physical scars have healed nicely and after a very heartfelt conversation with our doctors we have been officially released. It sounds a bit bad doesn't it? Officially released.

We discussed other options given our circumstances and came to the conclusion that for now, my body, our minds, and our hearts needed a break. I asked our doctor what our chances of having a child were on our own now that I lost my right tube during my ectopic pregnancy and surgery. His response was, "it's within the realm of possibility" and that there still was no diagnosable reason why we weren't able to get pregnant.

I also asked him if I should go back on clomid (pill ovarian stimulate to aid in fertility) but drop everything else since we still wanted to try to have a child on our own. Doctor's response "No, why keep trying something like that when we know for years it hasn't worked?"

Chris and I will never give up the hope of having a biological child of our own but I guess I had to agree with the doctor on that response. He did a few other final exams (breast check etc), then on our way out he grabbed me into a big hug and said "Now, I want you, no matter what or when to come see me and let me hold your child. Whenever or however you get them. I want to meet them."

I hugged Karen goodbye for now and she wished us something similar. I won't miss the procedures. I won't miss the awkwardness and heartbreak in the waiting room. I won't miss the needles, the pain, or that damn rickety elevator, but I will miss the people. Those doctors and nurses have been some of the most sincere and hopeful people Chris and I have ever dealt with and we will forever be grateful for their help in our journey to Baby Baker.

So, with heavy sighs and backward glances at our clinic as we walked out for perhaps the last time, we held hands and moved on. Time to reboot so to speak.

We have also begun the adoption process :)! We've met with one local agency and have researched into others. We are praying for guidance at this time as to which direction to go. Which agency, domestic or international, etc. It's daunting, but exciting. If you have any personal information or experiences you would like to share please do not hesitate to message me. Would love to hear!

We will hopefully have some definite decisions made by the end of July and able to share more details. Our road to Baby Baker has taken a different turn for now but we are hoping you will stick with us for the rest of our journey!

Chris and I headed to Memphis to see my Dad, Brother and Mom Memorial day weekend and really enjoyed the "getting back to being me" time. A few weeks later, we boarded a plane for San Diego to visit my sister Nicole, her precious twins, and her husband Mitch whom we had not seen for years due to his deployment with the Navy.

Me death gripping Chris's hand on board

Nicole travels quite a bit & was blessed with two free Southwest airline tickets to see them!! We were so happy to have the opportunity to go before she has to move to Japan (more on that later). As you can see from the above picture I am a TERRIBLE flyer. Wasn't always this way but for some reason, the older I get you have to basically sedate me like you would an animal in order for me to fly. It isn't pretty.

Sunset 10,000 miles up 

Five or so hours later we landed in San Diego and were greeted by the entire Eisenberg family. Mackenzie and Cooper in their pj's and Nicole and Mitch with huge smiles on their faces. 

Pure Joy. Chris and Mackenzie playing on Coronado 

I will have to make our California trip into several posts but I did want to start with a few fun things on this one. We played, we ate, we laughed, we cried, and we refreshed. 

"The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter and the spirit heals with joy"~unknown proverb

I'm back at work, getting back to being me and back to posting about Baby Baker. See you in a few days :)

Chris and I are healing and that's the most important thing right now. 

Much love~

Amanda & Chris